Finally Failed by Specsavers!

Felt like more of a normal day. Just finished a piece on the latest development in Trumpworld… Fascinating stuff. Should appear later today over at Reaction.

In other news: the Welsh male voice choir are still camped out beneath my mother’s bedroom window and she’s getting mightily pissed off with them.

I must admit, I’ve been worried about this aspect of the recent crisis until my sister Googled auditory hallucinations and discovered “Musical Ear Syndrome”. Apparently, when you start to suffer hearing loss, your brain fills in the gaps where you used to have sensation coming from your ears. It does that by making you think you can hear songs or other common noises. The most common are, apparently, church music, hissing, and buzzing. In the past few weeks, my Mum has complained about hearing hymns (church and male voice), a steam train, and a bee in her room.

Anyway, I’d had her booked for a home hearing test and this morning I decided to chase it up. I’d asked for her to be referred to Specsavers who do home visits. A couple of phone calls later, I’m talking to my local Warrington store who confirmed that my Mum’s name was down for a home visit.

Except they weren’t apparently going to call to tell me that they don’t do home visits. First, there’s COVID and, more specifically, a local lockdown which I’d forgotten about. Second, even if there wasn’t a local lockdown, they no longer offer visits to our town. This despite the fact that Specsavers did a home visit to test my Mum’s eyes and delivered glasses two weeks ago… I’m just confused. I don’t know why eyes are okay but not ears.

I should really write to Dame Mary Perkins, who was my favourite correspondent when I used to pretend to be Stan. We even exchanged Christmas cards. It’s also a shame since Specsavers have been amazing with the glasses. Really seen an improvement since the new glasses arrived. Just baffles me why they can’t provide a home visit given we only live about 5 miles away.

Now, I’m not sure what to do. There’s nobody else who does home visits and I’m not sure how the hell I’d get my Mum to a store given everything that’s going on. I’m not going near a taxi and the transport I have available isn’t necessarily suitable. It’s a problem. She really needs a hearing aid and I have absolutely no idea how I can get her one… Can you just buy them? But then, I know they’re £500+ (impossible at the moment) but free on the NHS…

I’d be grateful for any tips?

Leave a Reply


It’s a cool domain name and it was available. Yes, I know. Available. Crazy, isn’t it?


Yes. It also helps that it’s also my favourite satire written by Alexander Pope, one of the most metrically pure English poets who also knew his way around a crude insult or two. If you’ve not read it, you should give it a try.

So this is satire, right?

Can’t deny it. There will be some. But it’s also an experiment in writing and drawing, giving work away for free in order to see how many people are willing to support a writer doing his thing. It’s the weird stuff that I wouldn’t get published elsewhere in this word of diminishing demands and cookie-cutter tastes.