I like Bill Gates… There I’ve said it. Now what’s your problem?

Maybe my defences are a bit low today because I’ve been writing about QAnon but I’m in no mood to read any more conspiracy nonsense…

And believe me: I paused a long time back there when writing the word “nonsense”. Those eight letters aren’t up to the task. I want to write “flaming pile of flatulently fizzing horseshit” but even that’s too mild. I’d need to get into grossly syphilitic bodily anatomy to convey the epic scale of the stupidity involved…

But let me back up a little.

I’ve been avoiding Twitter for a while yet ventured onto it tonight to send somebody a link to Epic Games who, for one day only, are giving away their new Total War game. I’m not exactly into strategic war games (but I could be). I just “buying” up every free game whenever I can. It makes me feel like I’m genuinely preparing to upgrade my PC next year, the year after, or… who the hell knows…

Anyway, whilst I was on Twitter doing this good deed, I noticed an interview with Bill Gates on Bloomberg. It’s not an in-depth interview but Gates is nearly always worth listening to. He understands technology, understands technology that can change the world, but also invests heavily in that technology. Call me crazy but I think he’s one of the good guys. He also is optimistic, and he said something I’ve suspected myself: that we’ll be through this crisis by the end of 2021. This was new news. I thought it worth sharing, so I retweeted the interview not thinking anything of it.

Seconds later, a reply from somebody who follows/followed me which said: “No thanks”.

To which I said: yeah? Well, fuck you then!

Or I didn’t say that. That’s only what I thought because in my inner monologue is often far filthier than anything I write down. Yet I also didn’t know what else to say. I didn’t reply. Instead I unfollowed them because I think it’s the right thing to do. There are places where disagreement becomes something else and I think this is one of those places.

I simply don’t understand the hatred towards Bill Gates.

There. I said it. I just don’t understand. Is there some truly evil thing he’s done which I don’t know about?

Is it a Microsoft thing? Hell, I’ve had issues with Microsoft throughout my life, not least the crap batteries in the Surface Pro and the generally poor design of their Surface Keyboard covers, three of mine having broken in the past 18 months with exactly the same problem (weak ribbon cable on the hinge) despite only relatively minimal wear (I do all my serious typing on my desktop).

Is it about Windows? Sure, the early versions were awful but since Windows 7 I’ve only had good things to say. I love Windows. I wouldn’t use anything else.

So, is it a nerd thing? Do people hate him because he’s not Beyonce and Kanye stylish? If so, allow me to curse some more because along with being a lot cruder, my inner monologue also dresses less fashionably than I do myself (and that’s hardly at all).

But I mean it. Is it a nerd thing? Gates fits the pattern of the antisocial coder. I’ve been one nearly all my life and understand the problem from the inside. We’re not always sociable. People can read out reticence as unfriendliness when it’s merely shyness given a twist of the curmudgeon because we’re often lost in our thoughts. Sure, he might not be overly friendly but that doesn’t mean he’s a 5G brain parasite global tracking evil genius. Does it?

Is it just about wealth? If it is, then I really don’t understand it. Gates isn’t Bezos with warehouses filled with robots armed with box cutters which they wave aggressively whenever a zero hours worker wants a whiz. As far as I know, Bill Gates has not got in the way of anybody desperately needing to urinate.

So what is it? I’m just baffled…

Yet, no doubt somebody will now accuse me of being a Microsoft bot or part of some deep state conspiracy to promote the Bill and Melinda Gates Foundation. I wish I was! I could do with the money. As it is, Gates sits very low on my list of “things wrong with the world”. I mean, what does a guy have to do to earn any respect? Give away every penny and live under a bridge? If he’s a genuinely bad guy, then he’s doing a superb job of fooling me, though, of course, that’s precisely where we began.

I mean: that’s precisely what these evil geniuses would want me to think, wouldn’t they…

6 thoughts on “I like Bill Gates… There I’ve said it. Now what’s your problem?”

  1. I agree with every word about Bill Gates. I dont get it either. But on point of principle my curiosity always stops at conspiracy theories…or it does unless your writing about them! Fascinating article. I’d never quite been able to work out what QAnon was all about. Now I have I kind wish I’d stayed ignorant! Utterly terrifying. If trump loses I think itll be fascinating to was the Republican Party tear itself apart trying to find a winning direction. On one side you have the likes of Paul Ryan (establishment, deniability re trump) and on the other this lunatic and her cohorts.

    1. Thanks Max. That cheered me up and Christ knows I needed cheering up today. 😉

      I find conspiracy literature so depressing but the phenomenon fascinating in the way it reveals certain things about us as people and as a culture (Jon Ronson writes about it so well in his book ‘Them’). QAnon feels like rebranded religion. It’s the thing you don’t need to prove but it makes you feel so much better by believing it.

      It’s also worrying but so often there are grains of truth in it. The whole Hillary Clinton running Satanic child abuse ring is monumentally stupid and then you read about Bill’s flights on Epstein’s jet. The whole Royal Family are lizards and we are all their prisoners is dumber than anything… and then you see the exam downgrading didn’t affect Eton and you begin to realise that there’s this fundamental schism drawn across our country between the Them and the Us…

      In the end, I’m more convinced than ever that atheism is the answer. We can’t have a system of government that is predicated on religious foundations. It infects the entire structure. The way the US treat the President as a supreme being, the way we have a hierarchy of “nobility” in this country: it’s all the glitzy nonsense that justifies so much superstitious thinking.

      “You can’t say that to The President…”

      “Well, she was born to rule over us, wasn’t she?”

      No wonder we’re in such a mess.

      Agree about the Republican Party post Trump. What scares me is the approach that Tom Cotton has taken. He’s said to be brightest and best, the future of conservatism in America, yet he’s gambled that the future will be more like Trumpism. His controversial opinion piece for the New York Times might have been a clue about the future but that future had clear authoritarian overtones.

      I don’t believe I’m overstating it, but America could see huge civil unrest in December if Trump tries to steal this election. If Trump then puts troops on the streets… We can only hope the courts and the army remember who they serve. Myself, I think they’ll do the right thing but digging Trump out of the White House won’t be easy.

  2. It has now dawned on me that you are a Microsoft bot, or a worse thought has just occurred to me, that you are perhaps part of the deep state conspiracy to promote the Bill and Melinda gates foundation!.

    I don’t understand it either. I think the dislike for him stems from him being the richest man in the world for so long, really do believe it is that simple. The supposed reasons then given for hating him revolving around Microsoft simply flow from that. Yeah Bezos is rich but he is a relative newcomer to the top 10 rich list, only entering it 5 years ago.

    Apparently Gates is behind coronavirus because of his involvement in the Event 201 exercise. Clearly being the intelligent fellow that he is, he decided to announce his plans to the world ahead of time and then put the whole thing on youtube for everyone to see. Or was that a double bluff to divert attention from himself!!!, now I’m confused and questioning the spherical nature of this planet I’m on, or is it even a planet, maybe Earth is in fact a giant cosmic turtle swimming around a massive galactic duck egg!!.

    1. But I *am* a Microsoft bot, or at least a wanna-be Microsoft bot. I would have thought my plan would have been transparent by now. I intend to keep writing positive articles about either American tech zillionaires or Russian oligarchs hoping that one or both will try to corrupt me with oodles of cash. Yes, it would be wrong but I figure if I’m open about it now, then it won’t be a problem.

      BTW The estate of Terry Pratchett just called. They wanted their turtle back but I said your work was legally derivative by at least 70% thanks to your massive galactic duck egg.

      1. That is so funny. I’ve never read a Terry Pratchett book before, I knew someone who liked his stuff and he must have mentioned the turtle thing at some time though I honestly don’t remember it. Subliminal stimulation in action.

        1. Only read one and didn’t particularly like it. People keep telling me I must give them a proper try and I do but, inexplicably, I just don’t enjoy them.

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Why Dunciad.com?

It’s a cool domain name and it was available. Yes, I know. Available. Crazy, isn’t it?


Yes. It also helps that it’s also my favourite satire written by Alexander Pope, one of the most metrically pure English poets who also knew his way around a crude insult or two. If you’ve not read it, you should give it a try.

So this is satire, right?

Can’t deny it. There will be some. But it’s also an experiment in writing and drawing, giving work away for free in order to see how many people are willing to support a writer doing his thing. It’s the weird stuff that I wouldn’t get published elsewhere in this word of diminishing demands and cookie-cutter tastes.