I’m not sure this book is generating much interest on the blog (yes, it sounds crap until you “get it”) but I want to publish it anyway. I should never have unpublished it years ago but I certainly shouldn’t leave it lingering as a file on my PC. I also wrote the damn thing and that means something. I also think it’s funny (and probably politically incorrect in about a thousand ways but that doesn’t bother me too much).
Anyway, I’m ready to publish this book but I’m running into some problems. First, here’s the rough blurb I’ve written.
For the first time its full unexpurgated glory, a tale that speaks of unspeakable lust, describes indescribable passion, and teaches you eleven different ways to spell the word “rhinoceros”…
These are the voyages of a woman willing to try everything three times (and once on top of a cupboard). Are you ready to learn the terrible secret of the world’s most notorious hunter? Discover the erotic uses of the buntline hitch knot? Read the 50 shades of perversity that circus clowns put into their non-disclosure agreements?
Get ready for six tales filled with clean-chested cowboys, Olympic cyclists with limitless stamina, as well as a bored panda called Mr Dibbles. Above all, learn to love a woman with a body for sin, an eye for salacious detail, and an address book filled with beach volleyball stars and bubble-bath models.
Just remember: laughter is the second greatest aphrodisiac (after Norwegian durffurgle, as explained on page 98)…
* Contains no nuts.
I’ve now setting up all the metadata and keywords. Have yet to decide on a price. It’s about 42,000 words long so it’s really the length of a novella. I thought maybe £1.99, though Amazon tries to get authors to price everything at 99 cents. Is £1 too little? Too much? I’m terrible at this side of the business.
I quickly decided I won’t be entering the Amazon StoryTeller2020 competition because a) I don’t stand a chance of winning and b) it’s judged by Claudia Winkleman and I can’t stand Claudia Winkleman.
My problem is that I don’t know what categories to include it under. I can pick any two. Humour is the first but what should I pick for the second? I really don’t want it to go in the erotica section, where it would be listed with books that range from the dull to disturbingly fetishistic. Plus, it’s genuinely not erotica. It’s just funny to call it that.
What is it? It’s something else. Broad comedy. Slightly satirical. Do I put it under general fiction?
I always hate this bit.