Tired

I am so tired.

I’m also not sure what I’m doing. My Mum is “better” than yesterday when we rang 999 but the delirium is still worrying. She keeps saying there are people standing in the room. It’s scary.

The GP has refused to prescribe an antibiotic on account of my Mum’s age and the fact that the “dip stick” test isn’t coming back positive, nor did the lab test. But that, according to so many sites devoted to UTIs, is typical.

We were here before, when she was in hospital. The same happened. Test after test came back negative. In the end, the doctors treated it as though it were a UTI (just the delirium alone, coming on rapidly, is a “classic” symptom) and with an antibiotic, my Mum was back to normal within days. Tonight, I’m not sure it’s still getting better, though it could just be my tiredness making me more paranoid, my Mum’s tiredness exacerbating the problem. I feel like I haven’t got anywhere to turn for advice and 999 seems excessive given she’s better than yesterday when we did call 999. Then the ambulance guy suggested we treat it at home once the GP gave the antibiotic.

Except the GP is refusing to treat it that way. They’re even making subtle hints that my Mum’s mental decline has been going on for a while. They’ve never bloody met her! Just spoke to her once on the phone when she was already suffering from this but just before it became full blown. I think I know my own mother. Before this spell, she could hold a conversation with people half her age and come out on top.

But what do I know? I think it’s a UTI. GP thinks differently. And I’m not entirely sure they care either way. Not much follow up.

So, I don’t know what to do. I keep wondering about paying for help. But what do these “online” doctors, offering 24/7 help really know. Sound like a scam. Plus I’m not exactly rolling in money. Quite the opposite.

I could blow a lot of money I don’t have at a moment like this. I’m already paying for a private consultation with a GP tomorrow to ask a second opinion. Again, I don’t know what I’m doing.

I feel helpless. My sister is barely coping. I’ve run away to hide in my blog. My Mum is singing along to a crooner, whilst telling the kids in the room to get out of the way. “They’re a real imposition”, she said of them earlier.

Do I really want to swap her being relatively comfortable in her chair for an A&E department late at night during COVID season?

Life is fucking cruel and don’t let anybody tell you different…

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Why Dunciad.com?

It’s a cool domain name and it was available. Yes, I know. Available. Crazy, isn’t it?

Really?

Yes. It also helps that it’s also my favourite satire written by Alexander Pope, one of the most metrically pure English poets who also knew his way around a crude insult or two. If you’ve not read it, you should give it a try.

So this is satire, right?

Can’t deny it. There will be some. But it’s also an experiment in writing and drawing, giving work away for free in order to see how many people are willing to support a writer doing his thing. It’s the weird stuff that I wouldn’t get published elsewhere in this word of diminishing demands and cookie-cutter tastes.